I’ve Tried to Save This Marriage and Failed. Now What?
Divorce rates in Canada were down as of 2012, but divorce is still commonplace.
If you both want divorce, it can be “amicable” in that you’re both striving to divorce as quickly and easily as possible.
Recognize That You’re Going to be Emotional
Even if you both want the divorce, this will be a painful time of change and upheaval. It will likely be an even more traumatic time for you if your spouse has decided to leave you. This is going to be a significant blow – but recognizing that that’s normal and that you can recover will help. Get counseling if you need to work through your feelings of loss and rejection. A counselor can help you deal with these feelings so that you heal and can live life again.
If you’re the one who’s decided to leave, you may be surprised that you feel emotional – but again, this is a time of upheaval and change regardless. Again, counseling will help with any feelings of residual guilt, trauma, and regret so that you can move on with your life once the divorce is complete.
Recognize That a Good Divorce Lawyer Can Help You When You’re Not Likely to be Thinking Clearly
A good divorce lawyer that you like and trust will do his or her best to represent you during the proceedings so that your own best interests are always the main focus. You won’t likely have the will or objectivity right now to make sure this happens on your own, but allowing your lawyer to take over the proceedings for you will save you much heartache during the process – and afterward.
Let Your Divorce Lawyer Help You Stay Calm When Assets Need to be Divided
Let you and your spouse’s respective lawyers work out the division of assets with your input, and keep bitterness out of it. You’ll need to keep a good working relationship with your spouse especially if you share parental rights, and any residual bitterness or disagreements may taint that.
Consider the Children – Not Your Own Feelings – When You Talk About Your Spouse or Decide Custody Issues
As much as you may want to attack your spouse in front of your children, don’t. Remember that your soon-to-be-ex spouse is an important part of their lives too, and someone they depend on. Custody issues will need to be decided in terms of what’s best for the children, not you. Again, this is something your lawyer can help you with as you ask, “How do I leave my marriage?”
Reestablish Your Own Sense of Self as an Individual
You may feel very alone when you first begin divorce. However, you can start taking small steps to reestablish individuality by beginning to do things on your own again. Pick up an old hobby, and take care of yourself by getting plenty of sleep, eating well, exercising, and doing something to regain peace, like meditation. As time goes on, you’ll reestablish your individuality again.
Move Away From the Old Relationship Dynamics if You Must Interact with Your Ex-Spouse
Especially if you share children, you’ll continue to be in contact with your ex-spouse after the divorce is complete. Make these interactions businesslike and as brief as possible; keep your distance while you heal.
Please let us know if you have any questions for our divorce lawyers.