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Who Am I Now?

Who Am I NowDo you feel like your world has been turned upside down because of your separation?

Do feel like everything in your life is changing?

That’s normal. Most people going through a separation feel like everything has come unglued and is crashing down on them.

Some of the ways your identity may be changing:

·       From being a full time caregiver to doing it part time

·       From having a lot of disposable income to having less

·       From being a married person to being divorced

·       From seeing your kids daily to seeing them every second weekend

·       From being a home owner to becoming a renter

These changes in your identity are normal, but they won’t change who you are as a person at your core. It is unsettling, but you will get through it.

According to Constance Ahrons who wrote the book The Good Divorce, most people who have gone through a divorce don’t regret their decision, they just wish they had done it sooner! These people have gone through changes to their identity and they don’t regret it.

Here are some steps you can take now to help you understand and cope with the changes in your identity:

1.     Speaking to a Family Specialist will help you understand how your identity is changing and give you some tools to make the transition more smoothly.

2.     Help yourself cope. You need to have proper sleep, nutrition and exercise. Avoid unhealthy coping strategies such as drinking to excess, using recreational drugs, overworking or eating junk food.

3.     Write a list of all your strengths, achievements and your successes coping with your separation. Even little ones count, like getting to work on time even when you don’t want to get out of bed, helping the kids when you felt sick yourself or not exploding at your spouse when in your heart you felt  angry. This will help you realize that you doing okay.

4.     Remember, this is a transition you are going through. It is not the end of the world! You will survive and soon be thriving again. Start imagining yourself the way you want to be ten years from now as a successful person, with strong relationships, financial security and a sense of self-worth. This image will propel you toward your goals and your new identity.

5.     Reach out to positive friends and family members who cherish you as a person. You don’t need  people who take away your energy by being negative and alarmist. Spend time with the people who have always supported you in good times and bad. They know who you are and can help you.

6.     Call us. We are divorce lawyers and can help you get through this difficult time by helping you get the support you need to resolve legal issues efficiently. Our lawyers can explain your options and help you make the best choices for yourself and your family.

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