Who Is To Blame?
The blame game. It’s natural to point fingers and blame your separation on your spouse. It’s also common to lay the blame on yourself. It helps give us a sense of justice in an unfair situation. The truth is that it takes two to make or break a relationship, and both you and your spouse contributed to the marriage ending to some extent.
Everyone makes mistakes. The challenge is to learn from your mistakes and then to forgive yourself and your spouse. I know. This is easier said than done.
Sometimes, clients want to go to Court to get revenge. We understand. This is a natural response to the pain of divorce. The problem is that the Court will not determine who is to blame. Pursuing vengeance will only result in higher legal fees and disappointment.
Others come to us feeling guilty and want to cave to every demand of their spouse. We tell these poor souls that caving in will result in much regret in the future and we try to help them see what is fair.
As lawyers, we know strong emotions (such as blame) can negatively affect negotiations. Even if you don’t want to go to court, getting help to deal with the emotions inherent to divorce is a good idea.
We believe you are best able to make rational decisions for yourself and your family when your emotions are not controlling the decision-making process.
An insightful book about the causes of separations and the ensuing insanity afterward is aptly called Crazy Time by Abigail Trafford. It is widely available and will really help you gain some insight.
We strongly encourage you to work with a Family Coachto help you understand the cause of your separation and help close the door on the past. Your Family Coach will help you move through the stages of divorce quickly, prepare you for negotiations and teach you ways of communicating effectively with your spouse.
We can help you get through this difficult time by helping you get the support you need to resolve legal issues efficiently. Our Barrie, Orillia & Newmarket divorce lawyers can explain your options and help you make the best choices for yourself and your family. Call us for a consultation. We can help.